So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
