brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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