you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
