The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we're making bets on your personal life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize