i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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