Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
