hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
