we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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