You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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