highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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