Michael Bay diarrhea
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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