hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
