I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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