he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
