I cannot find my penis.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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