girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize