His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
