Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
