I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
