you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
