Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
