some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
