hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
