he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
