So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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