she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
God I need to hump something, right now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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