Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
