glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His nipple licking is glorious
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
