Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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