She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
