some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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