Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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