That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
