Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize