why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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