And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
