you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
