she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
