i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
wow bdsm is so cute
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We smell like vodka and hangover
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