The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My vagina is officially offended.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
