Say something about gay babies.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
