this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
