I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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