ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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