Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
