Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
as a side note pls kill me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
