Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
