you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
