You work out of a Hotel?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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