Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
