sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We need to get me chipped asap
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