Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
