I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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