New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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