But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
