don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
