I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
