you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
