Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
how drunk are you?
Several
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
