the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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