my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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