she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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