i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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