He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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