Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
