Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
