yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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