He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
