i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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