thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
