she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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