my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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