I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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