pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
NoShamevember. You game?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
