I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize