found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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