Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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