woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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