i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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