me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
