it was like his penis was on wheels.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
