Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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