at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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