his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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