Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
