I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
