we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
