If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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