I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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