And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
