i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
