"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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