Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
