im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
