if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
