I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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