I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I supernannyed him into submission
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
