So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
