I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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