never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
