you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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