....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize