Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
