i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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