I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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