He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
